Taurus (April 20 – May 20) : Your health is looking pretty good and your charm is going to be strong, but stay away from cooties.

Gemini (May 21 – June 20) : This is the time to try to get that promotion at work! And if you’re unemployed, enjoy not being stressed at the general public.

Cancer (June 21 – July 20) :  Social skills will be smooth as George Clooney’s, but unfortunately you won’t be named sexiest man alive.

Leo (July 23 – August 22):  Professional life will come around,  just focus on relaxing and taking life one Cheeto at a time.

Virgo (August 23 – September 22): Life may be very confusing for a bit and that’s okay! Please don’t use this horoscope as an excuse on why you failed your homework.

Libra (September 23 – October 22): Let yourself be flexible with plans this month, but don’t stretch yourself too far. Contrary to popular belief, yoga pants DO rip.

Scorpio (October 23 – November 21): – Social and family life are on the up-and-up. Watch your health this month though, some kid might sneeze on you.

Sagittarius (November 22 – December 21): Use your bursts of energy and enthusiasm to be productive! Or just sit on the couch and think about what you could be doing! Pretty much the same thing.

Capricorn  (December 22 – January 19): Literally everything looks good for you this month. Money, health and social life all look stable. You could try to be more adventurous but you might mess up the good ju-ju. 

Aquarius  (January 20 – February 18) : Love is in the air for Aquarius but finance is weak. Just say you forgot your wallet on your next date, that’ll go over well. 

Pisces  (February 19 – March 20) : With a possible job change in your future, things might be a little hectic this month. Remember the wise words of Dory, an animated fish, “Just keep swimming.”

Aries (March 21 – April 19) : Emotions are at an all time high, and so is your ambition! Check yourself before you wreck yourself.