DISCLAIMER: The following article contains entirely fictional interviews with entirely fictional people, with the exception of those that are entirely true; any relation to real people or quotes is completely unintentional and a figment of your imagination. For your safety and peace of mind, Breaking “News” recommends reading with a cup of cocoa and a grain of salt. Thank you for your cooperation.

ELGIN, IL.- The sudden eruption of snowfall over the Chicagoland area recently may have left Elgin Community College out in the cold, but a big new friend is still looking to chill on campus.

Recent sightings of a large, white humanoid that some ECC attendees are calling “the Abominable Snow-Student” have been reported across campus this past week, calling for a flurry of responses from the student body.

“The hot goss is that there’s a yeti on campus this semester, but I haven’t seen him around,” said third semester ECC student Liz Dickenson, 20.

“He’s actually pretty cool,” said ECC student Stephanie Vargas, 19, “He drove me to school once and I kept asking him, ‘Are we there yeti?’ He laughed.”

Some students have even gone as far as to speak on behalf of the snow-person’s inclusion in the ECC setting, such as second year student Jacob Carrier.

“An abominable snowman has just as much right to be here at ECC as anyone else, walking amongst the halls,” said Carrier, 19, “This abominable snowman might be so different that he may never fit in. He will walk the halls, a social outcast, with no one or nothing to turn to. He will live with this burden of pessimism on his soul from the constant feeling of rejection. I will probably seek to befriend them so they won’t end up another lost soul.”

What most students are unaware of is the true identity of this snowy stranger. This week, the Breaking “News” team went undercover to interview the “Abominable Snow-Student” himself, Juneau, Alaska native, Eddy Snowdin.

“I didn’t mean for things to get heated by my coming here,” said Snowdin, “I always try to fly south for the winter, you know what I mean? And Elgin seems like a nice town.”

Snowdin claims that he longed to be part of ECC’s recent International Week, but did not attend out of shyness.

“I don’t feel excluded from the community so much as I feel misunderstood,” said Snowdin, “All I want to do is have a snow cone and hear people’s stories. Snow-Person culture is really laid back like that.”

When asked about being labeled as “abominable,” Snowdin said that it acted as a kind of surname, along the same lines as “Smith,” or, “Porkens.”

On his own life story, Snowdin claims to live a life of what he likes to call, “simple pleasures.”

“Back in Alaska, on the really cold nights, I would sit out on the shoreline and watch Russia do its thing while listening to The Arctic Monkeys on my pop’s old tapedeck,” said Snowdin, “Then I’d head back to my apartment, make a milkshake, and watch reruns of the Northern Lights or watch my brother act in Monsters, Inc. He’s a good actor.”

According to Snowdin, his class schedule for next semester will be a mix of classes such as Elementary Astronomy and Intro to Photovoltaic Systems. He has also expressed interest in starting a sledding club.

“ECC seems like a pretty cool place, after all,” said Snowdin, “I think there are a lot of opportunities to bring students together. After all, who’s not down for a sleigh ride?”

Snowdin has declined a follow-up interview on the grounds that he is currently melted from the heat inside the school. Reports say that he will be back on Christmas Day.